Total Crap Shoot Friday: Kiss Me, Killer

Ok, everyone! Put your cat to bed, and throw the kids outside. It's time for:

Total Crap Shoot Friday!

Yep, tonight I get a random movie from Netflix's archive, gird my loins, watch the sucker, and review it for your (dis)pleasure! So, without further ado, I present tonight's offering... 
Genre-14 Thriller
Position- 536
Kiss Me, Killer

It's a 1977 French film, dubbed over into English, quite poorly, I might add. The voice cast seems to have phoned in their lines since they deliver it with the enthusiasm of an emo kid at a pep rally. And, since this is an older, poorly transferred movie-to-DVD, the soundtrack is warbily and distorted. Makes for a fun viewing, let me tell you.

Speaking of a fun viewing, this being a 1970's French film, it's very... (ahem) European. There is lots of nudity. LOTS of it. Gratuitous amounts of it. I'd go so far as to say this movie is a not so cleverly disguised softcore porn. Netflix, really?!? Which, according to my exhaustive five minute research on IMDB, is par for the course for this director.

Since I'm not really in the business of reviewing that type of movie and to keep the blog family(ish) friendly, I'm going to skip over those parts (which, incidentally, makes the movie about 20 minutes long) and, instead of putting up screen caps from the movie, here's a picture of a baby piglet:

awwwww...

Piecing together a plot is pretty tough to do. There's lots of characters and, seeing as though I've had very little sleep, it's hard to keep them straight. But, the gist of it is that a group of thieves steal some dope but the heist turns bad. Seems a guy named Radeck blames a dealer name Carter who is a part time composer and wrote a song for his wife. The song gets played at a club after Carter is "killed", his wife recognizes it, and the question is if Carter's alive or not.

You've also got Moria, a stripper that has an agenda, and you know is up to no good. As an aside, in my expansive fact-finding mission of clicking on her name in IMDB, the actress who played Moria died this year from cancer. To make up for that bit of bumming out news, here's a picture of a baby otter:

Awwwww!

The movie has lots of weird misplaced bits and pieces too. As an example, for no good reason that I can fathom, there's a moment in the middle of the movie where an Asian lady pops onto the screen shouting, "They got what they deserved!". She disappears and is never seen again. It's moments like that that are both mind boggling, and yet in any other movie would be just so deliciously awesome.

But, they're too few and far between to save this movie. The movie is merely a vehicle for the parts I mentioned at the start of this entry, and not a very good one. There are too many characters, too much confusing dialogue, no real character development, confusing and distracting tangents, and bland dubbing. Even the jazz based background music seems slapdash and bored. Bottom line, don't even bother with this one.

Now, on to the weekend! To send you off right, here's a picture of a baby hedgehog:

AWWWWW!

Sam's rating: 0 out of 5 formula ounces.