Aeon Flux

Let's just get this out of the way first. Charlize Theron is hot. Most red blooded Americans think she's hot. Women think she's hot. Near middle age men with 2 children think she's hot. Teenage boys with BOATLOADS of discretionary income think she's hot.

With that in mind, let me take you back to 2005. Hurricane Katrina has devastated Gulf Coast, Pope John Paul II dies, and YouTube is founded. (Yeah, I just killed your buzz, didn't I?) Also, MTV Films releases a movie designed specifically to separate the groups in the preceding paragraph (read: fools) from their money. Unless you're late to the party, like me, and paid Netflix for it instead. The crux of the plan at MTV was this: 1.For 90 minutes, film CT in a skintight bodysuit 2.Revive an obscure animated show that we still own the rights to, and use it as a reason to put CT in a skintight bodysuit. 3.Profit in a skintight bodysuit.

Speaking of MTV, if you were born in the early '80's and had access to cable, then you might remember that in the '90's MTV didn't suck quite so hard as it does today. Aside from living up to the "Music" part of their name by actually playing music videos, they also ran original programming that was, for lack of a better term, totally fracking awesome. Among those shows was a popular one called Liquid Television. It was a program for edgy, experimental western animation shorts that completely blew our 14-18 year old minds. The show brought us iconic cartoons like Beavis and Butthead, The Head, and a short, somewhat non-nonsensical, head checking "cartoon" called Aeon Flux.  This is the movie that dumbs down the cartoon, tries to get it to make sense, and squeeze Charlize Theron into a skintight bodysuit at every opportunity.

Of course, they chose the bizarrely animated and ultra high concept Aeon Flux cartoon as the sleek, yet thin fabric that covers the sensual, seductive curves of this film mostly because the main character spends a lot of time in as little clothing as possible. Plus, the director and producers can use the cartoon's deep, intricate plot to add a little subtext and message to the film and try to maintain SOME semblance to artistic integrity.

Pictured above: A double dose of Artistic Integrity.

Not really. Here's the plot rundown: in the far off future of 2011, 99% of the human population of the Earth is wiped out by a virulent plague. Yep, I'm reviewing another dystopian future flick. Get over it.

400 years in the future, the remaining people live in a walled off city called Bregna. It's idealistic living at it's finest with clean streets, clean people, armed security guards, citizens disappearing off the streets seemingly at random, disturbing dreams every night and other joys of modern, walled off city habitation. And of course, an all-powerful dictator named Trevor Goodchild, who just so happened to cure the plague of 400 years ago.

But Jon, you ultimately disappointing lover you, how in the world is he alive after 400 years? Shouldn't he be dead by now. Well, there's clonin' afoot, you see! CT plays Aeon; a member of the rebel group (there's always a rebel group in these films), assassin, and total fox. There's something about her sister and DNA harvesting and retained memories from previous cloned lives and sterility, and... look, I'm just going to be honest, I didn't really pay too terribly much attention to the plot.

Not totally sure why...

It's the kind of movie that, in theory, summer blockbusters are made out of. Lots of gun-fu and kicking and action and explosions and cool special effects and skintight bodysuits. But, for some reason, it just falls flat somehow. Maybe it's the overly ambitious plot. Or the lack of connection to the characters. We'll never really know.

Sam's Rating: 2 out of 5 formula ounces.